why cry?

i cry far too much within this few months than the i ever had in my 18 years of life.
well some might be due to nicholas spark's signature style of killing his characters. *for the love of God!*

recently, i've been crying because of a friend.
nad. this goes to you. i'm making it public as how you made yours.

people change. i used to fight tears but now they flow like there's no tomorrow.
we used to hang out at mamak stalls and drink cheap teh O ais and have fun.
now, it feels like it's not good enough.
mamak's not good enough.
i have changed too but not good enough that i could scarcely hang around you guys that much.

jumpa sekali sekala maybe. to say hi and stuff i guess.
i don't enjoy karaoke.
i don't wanna be driving around in different cars to faraway places just because of the attraction.
i don't wanna sit in a corner thinking what did i miss?
i don't wanna be alone when i'm surrounded by you guys.

i just wanna hear you guys sing along with the radio.
i want to just park somewhere and play teka teki and laugh it out loud because they're all universally stupid.
i wanna sit in a circle with everyone and don't have to say a word to be in the conversation
i wanna feel belonged.

but i don't nad. and it's not just because of you. it's because of me.
we're growing up towards different directions.
kau terasa sebab kita bercakap pasal kau behind your back?
don't be. you've changed nad.
and i didn't even know all of these from you.
don't say aku tiba2 ditch kau from my life because since aku datang sini, i rarely hear from you.
i hear stories of you.
I AM THE ONE WHO ASKED AROUND ABOUT YOU.
diorang tak sambil lewa cakap2 pasal kau.
aku yang mintak. dan kalau aku tak mintak, maknanya aku dah tak kisah dengan apa yang dah jadi ngn hidup kau. but i don't.
i'm sorry kalau apa yang kau dengar kau tak suka, but it's the truth.
you know why kita tak bagitau kau?
sebab kita ni kawan, cakap2 nak kasi luah perasaan je. dah habis tu dah2 lah kan.

aku boleh je kasi kau cold shoulder when i picked you up. but i didn't.
whatever happened in the car on the way to pick you up was just to release all forms of anger and frustration and disappointment.
tapi nad, bila kau cakap kau sedih sebab gaduh ngn afiq time tu, i was shocked. sebab dalam phone, you said you were sad because you weren't there. and i for once believed you nad.

all of the things you've heard, i'm sorry if it breaks your heart.
i'd rather let it all out than keeping them inside. i'm not sorry you knew though.
i'm just sorry you realise you've been doing them all this while.

whatever personality you've picked up along the way since we shared secret stories and remarks together, i have to say that i'm not comfortable with it.
i know i don't have a say in it. and i don't even have the right to ask you to change.
and i won't nad.
i'll keep worrying about you, keep trying to counteract whatever ditchings you might be doing in near future, but i won't ask you to change.
i'll just keep on hoping that maybe, when the time comes and when we're like old times again, you're the old you again.

call me old fashion, call me nostalgic, call me miss-i-don't-wanna-change-a-thing, but all i ever wanted was to have fun like we used to, because believe it or not, the past is the only thing we have in common as for now.

until we sit down and have some kind of a slumber party to update on what's going on and stuff, yeap... we're friends for old times sake.

i'm sorry i'm an emotional wreck. i should've known not to put too feel to bonded, that's all.

-nil-

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak

Countless lovers under cover of the street

fireflies fly high in the sky

yesterday night was wicked! thanks to all fireflies, we had tremendous amount of FUN.

the sweat
the time
the energy
the shoutings (lol)
the strepsils
the sleep-cutting
the class-skipping

hey guys, it was worth it all. our batch started off badly in the early 1st year.

but we cheered, and everyone cheered hard.
we might not win the trophy, but we won hearts. :)

thank you fireflies. we are forever winners. woooohoooooo!!!!!!!!!

p/s : pictures and videos will be uploaded soon enough. stay tuned. c:

i tell myself no but..

should i be requited , i'm uncertain.

but somehow, sometimes, the question pops up, "what went wrong?"

and the frustrating part is that, i'll never know. :)

but maybe... just maybe...
life would not have felt this good if nothing went wrong.

facebook is so unhealthy. *sigh

xoxo, A

cheer much?

GOOO FIREFLIES!!!

"in the darkest night, we will shine"

just stop taking up my sleeping hours. *roles eyes*

*mencarut*

punya la aku balik2 klas semangat nak buat blog list baru aku tertekan backspace tanpa henti tanpa save sebijik haram.

"mother(&$*&#$&*Q*&*#&@*(#&$*$&RU*@#(@#&())&(!?/\-"

pms ni bukan buat pompuan jadi buas malah bodoh.

sekian...

15 minutes to prostho.

as i have repeated this for over a million times and i swear to god, *currently, my favourite line* kamil would've vomit blood to read this after having eons of hours listening to it on the phone :

i am so bloody sick of classes.

question mark?
- because i've been going to classes since i was 4. and, i'm still going to classes now that i'm turning 20. i swear to god, in the future, i'll let my own children have their own way.

"taknak pergi klas? no sweat. jom main NFS sampai muntah pastu gi makan nasi lemak paru kat telawi pastu belgian waffle kat h&d kita pergi toys r us beli pony baru!!!!!!!"

omg. heaven sial!

xoxo, A